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Monday, 13 February 2012

Nyeri Women:-Husband Beaters,or is it a woman Scorned?

Any man who grew up during my days was taught that long held unwritten rule that MEN DON'T CRY!In fact, our fathers used to increase the intensity of the beatings when we cried or lacked bravado in the face of that thick bamboo stick being used to administer painful canes on our backsides for what they deemed a 'failure to measure up' on our end as their ‘heir apparent’.

The slightest hint of discomfort or welled up tears in our eyes would be met by a harsh reprimand for us to ‘man up’! This meant, you clench your teeth as tight as you can, apply some brain freeze maneuver to whatever pain inflicting situation you were in and feign amnesia like it is not happening, then soldier on like the man you are!

The same values are instilled on young men as they ‘face-the-knife’ at circumcision. Later in life, when as full grown men they are overburdened by work{or lack of it} and home pressures in the face of adversities of a poorly performing economy, they have to hold their heads up like its -7 degrees when it’s infact sweltering hot under their armpits.Oh..The pressure of being a man!

You see, in any African society and Kenya in particular, tradition forbids men from crying or speaking about any abuse administered to them, especially by women.

And why is that? Men unlike women are not supposed to speak up or even cry because they will be seen as cowards. As a result, they opt not to come up in the open if you are to compare this to girls or women who are indoctrinated that it is healthy and perfectly normal to cry and talk openly about being hurt by their spouses.

Infact a 'juicy' story from a woman as to how she beat the living lights out of her husband who had started to ‘grow horns’would make very good 'moshene'{gossip}during the weekly chama ya wa mama meeting.

The past week saw a spate of violence related incidences on the menfolk.I call it a spate because the rate at which men decided not to ‘man up’ but rather to speak out is alarming to say the least!

Battered Kevin Muriuki 22,with a Maendeleo ya Wanaume Official at a Nyeri Hospital.
The media, characteristically and sensationally squeezed the last ounce of juice from the juiciest of the stories.
The hush topic of male battering hence came to fore,and it makes an interesting debate topic that by virtue of being in social media, I just had to sink my ‘venomous’ teeth into.

Im never one to fall into stereotyping SO I don’t believe that of all the women in our beloved country it’s the Nyeri species of women that are so violent and malicious to the point of maiming their spouses whom they have lived for years on end in the same house ‘peacefully’.

Consider this # Most of the men who have been battered {so far} have been in marriage-like unions of 10 years and above.Why would a woman wake up one day and slash the face of the father to her kids or even scald him with hot water as he sleeps?

I admit, I am yet to fully understand the wheels that rotate the brain of a woman but it would take a deeply distraught and despaired woman to carry out such heinous acts to her spouse. That much I know.

Haven’t you heard of ‘Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned’? Enough said

According to Maendeleo ya Wanaume 460,000 cases of domestic abuse were reported in central Kenya, last year in a survey that includes Nairobi area.Of these, 150,000 had reported undergoing emotional abuse while 300,000 cases had been physically assaulted.Hmm...statistics rarely lie..and that there is a big number!

 The shame of a battered man



With all due respect to all men out there who get battered, I came up with the possible reasons as to why this could be the case. I am basing my ‘thesis’ as per incidences accountable so far, experiences and research done and if you are as observant as I am, you will agree with me{or not!hey it’s a free country..}







Most of the abused men get battered by their wives when::

{The woman is} many years older than the spouse
{The woman is} financially stable than the man
{The woman is} the sole breadwinner
{The man is} a hopeless jobless guy
{The man is} a habitual drunk who comes home having soiled his clothes.
{The man is} arrogant and abusive despite all his short comings.
{The man is} promiscuous
{The woman is} is entertaining a potential fling..a mpango wa kando..
{The man is} married to the wrong woman #tough luck#
{ Both the man & the woman}are under peripheral pressures from friends and relatives

and the list is endless..........

Don’t get me wrong. I am not trying to bash the men and seem all knowing and insensitive, but I believe there is a root cause for all the bile that is generated inside a woman for her to unleash all that rage.{Before it gets to the point where the sh%# hits the fan,the whole emotional roller coaster...}

I also understand that some battered men are the prolific, high society men with all the money and class. I also understand that battery is not necessary physical but it extends to verbal, psychological abuse including denial of conjugal rights.

In as far as physical violence goes; I believe men are stronger than women any day. And even the tiniest and drunk-est {if there’s such a word} of drunkards can deliver a lethal punch that can send the heaviest of women either into a comatose or straight to the morgue. Unless she has a weapon that is...e.g. hot water, pans, metal bar, machete,shavel;handbag..etc

When I started this blog I didn’t foresee that I will have more questions than answers.

Questions still linger#What then defines a man masculinity? What roles and responsibilities is the today man left with that still define his identity? Who is a man then in the modern society? How can we emancipate and avoid the emasculation of the modern man?

Perhaps you see it different from the way I am. That’s my two cents...what is yours?

If you need a refresher course on what i am on about check out these two links:

LINK #1:   http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=R8USREgxP-A

LINK #2:   www.youtube.com/watch?v=1voZbIOhW2I

The Scribe rests his pen?

6 comments:

  1. But the truth is that, for a woman to batter the husband to dat extend, the man must have really bored this woman with almost All your points above! So men style up ama mutamalizwa..jst saying..haha

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  2. ..kumalizwa?the thought of that kind of mercenary attack of men by women is scary to say the least,but i hear you...

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  3. Hhhmmm interesting thesis you have there and so very true.

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  4. hell hath no fury like a woman scorned...i look at the nyeri women situation and i think "society thought they could get away with turning a blind eye to women being battered...sasa ona? they are paying back, worse than they were ever beaten" though i don't support it, i'm indifferent...

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  5. Fearlessnazirite..indeed!gone are the days when women were considered the weaker sex.The modern day woman wears the proverbial pants and is very much aware of her constitutional rights.Men are slowly receding into cocoons for the fear of reprimand for their failure to measure up.

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