Positive Thinking;the spice of Life

When life gives you lemons; make lemonade. That is the cliché allegory that we subscribe to when we are at our ultimate lowest moment(s). When we hit the proverbial rock bottom our whole worldview changes and our mind’s prism makes us view things differently. We then wish that if we somehow could have handled a situation (s) a bit cautiously then perhaps our status quo would be relatively different.See,that is the thing about life, one moment of self doubt can yield good tidings or disaster. The quality of our lives is dictated by that short pause. The ‘what if’ factor more often than not determines our next course of action.

House Helps;Can't live with them;can't live without them?

Speaking from a man's point of view. I’m glad the DM is back! *Does Happy Dance* Allow me to explain before you think I’m happy for some sinister reasons. You see, my better half ‘released’ the DM (Pause..for those not in the know..a DM is a Domestic Manager..in certain quarters, they’re called Househelps,Maids or Mboches if you prefer street lingo..) 

The Domestic Manager (DM).

Still think smoking Shisha is cool?Think again..

Over the weekend while catching up with a friend at a local pub, we were rudely interrupted by a young man.I say rudely because he came armed with an assortment of pipes (tubes) which he proceeded to place stark in the middle of the table almost spilling our drinks. While we were still perturbed, he went on to up-sell his paraphernalia to our bewilderment.It is out of curiosity that we gave him 4 of our valuable minutes within which he tried to close the sale  by offering the benefits of shisha including all the different flavors he had. Don’t get me wrong, I have seen shisha pipes before and I have been with people (some that I know) partake of it. The young man went on to  mention the benefits –key of which was achieving a‘feel good’upon inhalation of the stuff. Seeing that we were uninterested, he moved on to the next table to gain new ‘converts’. This got me thinking and lo and behold; a blog idea was born.

“Accept and Move On” Mentality will be death of us Kenyans.

In March 2013 following the announcement of the  Presidential poll results  for the General Election, a new phrase was coined. The catchphrase “accept and move on” became sweet like honey to the lips of many; mostly supporters of the Jubilee coalition who were declared the winning coalition that would form the next Government of Kenya.This phrase was meant to put off dissenting voices from the losing coalition-CORD, who had claimed that the whole electoral process was flawed amidst a myriad of demands among them nullification of the vote which they later on pursued to the corridors of justice but lost through a Supreme Court ruling which upheld the election into office of Uhuru Muigai Kenyatta as the 4^th President of Kenya. 

Pres.Uhuru Kenyatta's Inauguration

WHO Killed the Christmas Spirit?

Its December already?Oh boy! As I sit here, I am a bit perturbed that I am not really feeling the Christmas mood. Whatever happened to the Christmass spirit? I can bet that  I am not the only one feeling who feels this déjàvu feeling every other year in December. With the high paced life that we currently live; swamped with work and daily struggles, I won’t be too quick to blame myself or any other person oblivious that Christmas is just around the corner. I have walked around town lately and realized they don’t paint shops anymore with ‘Father Christmas’  (Santa Claus)faces and Christmas tree.Hmmm..no wonder it still looks like midyear.

Unlock the Lupita in you

Lupita as 'Patsey' in 12 Years A Slave

The world woke up to the news that Lupita Nyong’o – a Kenyan - had won the coveted Oscars.This,she did for her role as Patsey in Steve McQueen’s screen adaptation of 12 Years A Slave. Lupita, the daughter of Kisumu Senator Peter Anyang’ Nyong’o walked away with the Best Supporting Actress title to add to her collection of accolades won over the recent past.

Matters Semantics:-Severance Allowance for Kenyan MPs = Higher Taxes for Kenyans

Political History is far too criminal and pathological to be a fit subject of study for the young. Children should acquire their heroes and villains from fiction – W.H.Auden, A Certain World

This quote encapsulates the selfishness that is currently being manifested by the crop of politicians inhabiting the August house in modern day Kenya. This is a sad reality if you consider our ‘Honorable’ Members of Parliament and their hyena like tendancies in mercilessly devouring public resources in form of taxes paid to the government of Kenya through awarding of unwarranted severance allowances.

An Open Letter to QTV Producers /Mr.Joseph Kaimenyi a.k.a #Kajairo

I Came across this letter doing rounds on Social Media:-The open letter letter directed to QTV  Producers was written by an obviously disgusted viewer who bashes  the  TV Comedian and Radio show host Peter Kaimenyi popularly referred to as Kajairo on his on screen antics that visibly irked the viewer.

Letter Reads- - - - - - - - - --t;

Mutula Kilonzo: From ‘Skirty’ Issues to Banning Holiday Tuition

Hardly had the dust settled on the media sensationalized-short skirts in girls’ schools- ruckus than the infamous Education Minister Mutula Kilonzo slapped a ban on Holiday tuition in both private and public primary and secondary schools.

If  you are not in the know,{..sighs*rolls eyes*..}the Minister declared tuition a violation of children’s constitutional right as provided for under the Bill of Rights; Article 5 of the Kenyan Constitution to be precise. He hence issued a directive stopping any kind of institutionalized and paid for remedial teachings countrywide adding that anyone found disregarding this order will be dealt with according to the law. Love him or hate him, Mutula is not only a straight talker but a man of his word.

Education Minister Mutula Kilonzo has been 'accused of skirting issues'

The argument propagated by most teachers that extra tuition was meant to be a period for teachers to cover the syllabus in time in preparation for the final exams did not augur well with Mutula. He instead proposed a review of the curriculum to be in sync with the regular school terms workload.

You see, the minister would like children to be just that; children. Allow me to give you a sneak preview into Mutula’s visionary and idealistic world for a minute….

Miguna Miguna's Book;Whose mask is he peeling back?

If you have been ardently reading newspapers, blogs ,watching TV and generally browsing through social media content, I am sure by now you know what and who Kenyans are talking about; Miguna Miguna.{Funny my spellchecker asked me to delete repeated word..}
YES, the guy is basking in the proverbial spotlight with his soon to be launched book - Peeling Back the Mask: A Quest for Justice in Kenya.

The controversial book by The PM Former Advisor

The book has been reviewed by pundits, serialized in local dailies and deemed as the last nail on PM Raila Odinga’s political coffin. Infact, the anti Raila brigade working the puppet strings behind this whole fiasco considers it the timeliest ammo needed to bring him down to his knees by denting his image, integrity and presidential ambitions.

You will bear me witness that the release of this book is peculiarly ‘timely’. At the moment the PM is riding high on poll ratings as the most favorable presidential candidate without a doubt. He has worked really hard to ward off negativity from foes hell bent on making sure he does not ascend to that highly sought after seat in State House. He has criss-crossed the country garnering support from the most unlikely of quarters. He has drawn to his stable big names that had previously been associated with regional voting blocks that many thought would turn him down at the ballot.{..Read...Charity Ngilu, Henry Kosgey, Gitobu Imanyara…et al} Infact, if you look keenly you will notice he seems very weary physical and psychologically from all these activities. You gotta hand it to the guy; he has an elaborate takeover plan and campaign machinery that is paving his way to the house on the hill.

Opulence in Kenyan Churches:Televangelists and False Prophets

Whoever said church is big business certainly must have had Kenya in mind; second to Nigeria.

Switch on your TV on a Sunday morning and tune in to any station and you will be bombarded by what is commonly reffered to as Church TV.Well,if you don’t know what that is then you either not watching TV as much as you should or you are an early riser who goes straight to church without flipping through channels on TV.

The good thing about church TV is that it comes in handy for spiritual nourishment for those who cannot make it to church either because they are sick/bedridden, those who are in areas situated far from physical church houses, those who are nursing hangovers not to mention guilt from the previous night's nocturnal activities and the lazy bones who need prodding to go to church etc.

I sometimes find myself in one if not all of such scenarios on a Sunday morning and I resort to seek spiritual refuge in church TV. This particular Sunday, TV remote in hand, I flipped through the channels and came to one conclusion... {some}Televangelists are such vultures!

Pastor Ng'ang'a who was recently busted drunk as a fish!

MPESA, Orange Mobile, YU Cash, Airtel Money mobile numbers flash on the TV screen like disco lights as the preacher guy does his thing. He/She will stop mid-sermon and remind you to plant/sow a seed of faith for you to receive your miracle. He will point out the numbers currently displayed on the screen {..even with live TV he/she will trust the video editors to include the ‘magic numbers’…} that will ensure a smooth highway for your prayer request to reach the intended recipient {God}.

Gor Mahia versus AFC Leopards Derbies: Fan trouble or a case of Hooligans and Criminals? PART 2

So it comes as no surprise when in 2012 we are still grappling with crowd trouble,disorderliness and hooliganism at he famed derbies pitting rivals Gor Makia a.k.a. K'Ogallo and AFC Leopards a.k.a. Ingwe.

Just like it was in the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s,the week before the match, fans of each of these teams engage in long debates about past matches and possible outcomes of upcoming games. These debates are rife on social media sites like Facebook and Twitter and they come full with pictures and cartoon representations of team mascots against each other. Either it’s a picture of a an AFC fan peeing on a Gor Mahia jersey or a pic of a headless chicken etc.Status updates and debates on team fan pages only serve to heighten pre-game tension.

Gor Mahia fans at a local derby

The local dailies also hype these games with full page features on ticket sales, player profiles, past games highlights,,table standings and the side shows during previous derbies.

Thanks to team branding, it becomes very easy to identify an opposing fans and taunt them as they snake their way into the stadium.All the built up tension always simmers at the stadium as games are being played.The slightest of provocation on the pitch or on the stands therefore result into name calling,stones and bottle pelting and general disorderliness.

End results, teams {Gor especially} are fined and banned from playing at certain stadiums or if they play it is in a field without fans.

Here’s my take#

There are fans, fanatics, hooligans and criminals in any sport you might think of.

Gor Mahia and AFC clubs are no exceptions.

Gor Mahia versus AFC Leopards Derbies: Fan trouble or a case of Hooligans and Criminals? PART 1

I recall in my early days growing up we used to collect plastic paper bags {jualas} and beat up cactus plants against rough edged walls to get sisal that we used to make polythene‘footballs’ with.

So beautiful were they that the level of 'sophistication' and 'class' went to the most intricately woven polythene ball either in squared or circular pattern.The ‘classier’ the ball, the more the players you got when it came to game time.

The polythene bag balls we used to play ball with..

Growing up in the 80’s, we only had two teams to identify with: Gor Mahia and AFC Leopards, and these are the teams that we divided ourselves into in any soccer game in the hood.

We didn’t stop there, we knew each and every player by name so you can imagine we had an exact replica Gor and AFC team of 7-8yr olds runnning around our neighbourhood pitch.

So we had the little, Sammy Onyango ‘Jogoo',Peter Dawo, Ben ‘Break-dance’ Oloo,George Onyango 'Fundi',Peter 'Bassanga' Otieno,George Sunguti,Goal Keepers - Omar Shaban,Abass Khamis Magongo just to mention but a few.

Kenya:Oil Discovery in Turkana – ‘manna’ from heaven?

Social media is a buzz with news of the new findings of oil in Turkana.Today Kenyans are making their voices heard worldwide as they update per second statuses on the internet sites.

On Twitter Kenyans are trending #TurkanaOil and the world has no choice but to recognize our presence considering that Kenyans were voted the second most active tweeters in Africa behind South Africa in a scientific research poll in early 2012.

On  Facebook,Kenyans cant help but make fun about the whole Turkana Oil find.

This excitement has been brought about by Pres.Mwai Kibaki’s announcement today, that Kenya has discovered oil in Ngamia-1 well in the North West District of Turkana, at a depth of between 846 and 1041 metres.

Kiraitu Murungi,Kenyan Minister for Energy shows a sample of the Turkana Crude Oil

Most of the Kenyans in this part of the country rarely feel included in the proverbial national cake in as far as resource allocation is concerned. Infact, the residents here say they are not part of Kenya, and when they do they say they are from the ‘other Kenya’

Nyeri Women:-Husband Beaters,or is it a woman Scorned?

Any man who grew up during my days was taught that long held unwritten rule that MEN DON'T CRY!In fact, our fathers used to increase the intensity of the beatings when we cried or lacked bravado in the face of that thick bamboo stick being used to administer painful canes on our backsides for what they deemed a 'failure to measure up' on our end as their ‘heir apparent’.

The slightest hint of discomfort or welled up tears in our eyes would be met by a harsh reprimand for us to ‘man up’! This meant, you clench your teeth as tight as you can, apply some brain freeze maneuver to whatever pain inflicting situation you were in and feign amnesia like it is not happening, then soldier on like the man you are!

The same values are instilled on young men as they ‘face-the-knife’ at circumcision. Later in life, when as full grown men they are overburdened by work{or lack of it} and home pressures in the face of adversities of a poorly performing economy, they have to hold their heads up like its -7 degrees when it’s infact sweltering hot under their armpits.Oh..The pressure of being a man!

You see, in any African society and Kenya in particular, tradition forbids men from crying or speaking about any abuse administered to them, especially by women.

Nancy Baraza:Kenyan Society's Sacrificial Lamb?

Do you remember some time in 2011 when most Kenyans (me included) were literally glued to live TV watching with intrigue as candidates for the position of Chief Justice and Deputy Chief Justice were being grilled?

Do you remember also how in glee you were when they were publicly ridiculed with questions concerning their sexuality? It made a good laugh,right?Im sure for some men it made a good enough ice breaker to chat up that sumptuous but elusive office intern, right?

Now >>fast forward>> to the events that have unfolded since 31st Dec 2011….

At this point let me introduce the cast of our Kenyan Soap Opera {Sound track*Smooth melodious Mexican lady singing in the background*}

Jaffer Isaac..The Kenyan President that never will be.. Phew!

On the tube this morning for yet another time was Jaffer Isaac-‘The Kenyan presidential aspirant that never will be’ on the Power Interview on Citizen TV.

Oh,you don’t know who that is:let me bring you up to speed with my last blog on this character: http://www.ogeezone.blogspot.com/2011/09/jaffer-isaac-ambitions-of-youth.html

If you missed the News as the curtains closed on 2011, Jaffer decided to call off his presidential bid for the 2012 national elections.Pheew!

I breathe a sigh of relief for all Kenyan youth who would have yet again buried their head in their hands in utter shame at misrepresentation because Jaffer Isaac epitomizes the mediocrity that is Kenyan ‘youth’politics.

Listening to him speak you realize that he lacks vision. Most of his ideologies are utopian if you ask me.

PayScale Kenya - Kenya Country Salary, Average Salaries

PayScale Kenya - Kenya Country Salary, Average Salaries

KCPE 2011: Genetic Dunderheads?

Last week I had a seemingly never ending debate with my colleagues at work on the dismal performance of school children in national exams in light of the 2011 KCPE results.

This debate was occasioned by demos by parents countrywide in a bid to oust head teachers whom they blamed for a below par show by their kids in the national exams.

Protesting parents have in the past weeks since the release of the exams been holding demos and storming poor performing school premises baying for the blood of the school heads.

What became apparent from the debate is that some kids are ‘genetically engineered’ to be dunderheads!

I bet you are thinking that is a shallow point of view, right? Well, before you crucify me in your minds and close the browser let me expound.

Kareke Mbiuki "Look..i'll give you 5K..Go ahead and give birth like rabbits.."..

There is a common Kenyan saying that goes...”Kuzaa sio kazi..Kazi ni kulea mwana... (Loosely translated..Giving birth is not work, the real work is raising the child...)

It therefore sounded to me like complete lunacy when recently on National TV during an opening ceremony for a new public maternity wing an MP declared that he is giving women in his constituency an incentive to get pregnant and give birth.

In a heavy Meru accent the legislator said..” mimi naendelea kupingia watoto ndebe muendelee kuzaana tujaze ndunia ili kura zitoshe…kama ulikuwa umeenda mbreak urundi ili tuungane na nyinyi tunjaze ndunia,”NKT!!!