Kareke Mbiuki "Look..i'll give you 5K..Go ahead and give birth like rabbits.."..

There is a common Kenyan saying that goes...”Kuzaa sio kazi..Kazi ni kulea mwana... (Loosely translated..Giving birth is not work, the real work is raising the child...)

It therefore sounded to me like complete lunacy when recently on National TV during an opening ceremony for a new public maternity wing an MP declared that he is giving women in his constituency an incentive to get pregnant and give birth.

In a heavy Meru accent the legislator said..” mimi naendelea kupingia watoto ndebe muendelee kuzaana tujaze ndunia ili kura zitoshe…kama ulikuwa umeenda mbreak urundi ili tuungane na nyinyi tunjaze ndunia,”NKT!!!

Not Every Somali Looking guy is AL-SHABAAB...

I was in Nairobi town today.I could feel the uneasiness in the city with most Nairobians on 100% natural radar alert.The slightest of bang noises would send the next person infront of me to walk three-to four steps faster then look behind to see what was happening.

Two particular incidences made me blog today.

SCENE 1:

Im on the 10th Flr of Teleposta towers,waiting for an elevator to the Ground Flr.Im late for an appointment so im pacing about waiting for the elevator.

The elevator opens and in it are 5 muslim women all covered up save for their eyes..I take one step back.If ur in Kenya considering the recent happenings between Kenya and Somalia,u know what came into my mind.....Al Shabaab!Then considering i was on the 10th Flr..hmmm.how convinient...

I think these women were more scared by my towering  6.8ft frame than i was of them and the thought that they were strapped with explosives ready to scream Allah-u-Akbar then BOOOOOM!!

Facebook Monitors you even when you log out...

Social network site Facebook has admitted that it monitors every single web page you visit, even when you have logged out.

So...you thought that when you hit that logout button on your phone or PC after updating your status on FB you are done...?In the era of cyber space and internet technology everything you do is monitored. 

In its latest privacy blunder, the social networking site was forced to confirm that it constantly tracks its 750million users, even when they are using other sites.

Internet users in a cybercafe in Kenya

Wangari Maathai..a Heroine that was never feted in her own home..

YET another dark Monday in September! 26th September 2011.

I woke up to the news of the death of the most celebrated environmentalist in Kenya and the world in general: Prof.Wangari Maathai

My heart sunk when I thought of the struggles she underwent during the 80s and 90s in the Moi era championing course. Many are the times she found herself hospitalized after brutal beatings by the police:sometimes,senseless.I recall TV footage of her in braided hair bloodied from being ‘plucked’ from her head by the police. Countless are the times she picketed against the powers that be over land grabbing.

Wangari Maathai:A real Conservationist

Countless are the times she was arrested and humiliated in public.Still, she soldiered on!What a spirit she had!

Thanks to Wangari Maathai Kenyans can still enjoy the peace and serenity of nature at Freedom Corner amidst all the hustle and bustle of the city. We would be having an eyesore of a tall structure instead.

Her life story reads like a fairy tale. She came from grass to grace literally speaking. Her awards cabinet is full of accolades that will make even the most celebrated of Hollywood stars throw a fit in jealousy.

Kenyan Illicit Brews: Why the ‘Black-out”….

9 Dead, 10 Others Turned Blind After Consuming Illicit Brew in Kenya

 Banned 'kill-me-quick' home-brew kills and blinds hundreds in Kenya

20 Blind As The Brew Death Toll Rises To 125

 

 These are just some of the headlines that feature in our local dailies when illicit brews are reported.
 

Mind boggling, right?

I had always wondered why most of the victims of illicit brew went blind after drinking. Why for instance didn’t they go, deaf, dumb, or even complete lunatic?

After much pondering, consultation with peers and research, I came to know the root cause of this.

I must admit reading the seemingly nerdy material in my research made me reminisce  my High School Chemistry teacher ,Mr Okumu.Teaching chemical bonding during the afternoon double Chemistry lesson:90 minutes-most part of which half the class was dozing after a heavy lunch constituting beans and Ugali !{Madondo power} is not an easy task for the most hardened of teachers. Little wonder some of my colleagues opted to ‘dropping’ the subject for the much favored Biology, I on the other hand soldiered on.

But I digress…yet again...

Any Kenyan reading this is well aware that most of the deaths caused by illicit brews hail from the Central Province of Kenya. Rarely will you hear of such incidences in Western, Nyanza, Rift Valley provinces for example. This is because the fermentation of the brew follows the due process without any catalysts. 

Sinai Fire Tragedy:-The Slum Dweller's Perspective..

As the embers of fire die out in Sinai, one can’t help but question why Kenyans seemingly court disaster.

One of my colleagues recently quipped that September has become the new August. The dooms month, with deaths occasioned by road carnage and other fatalities has ‘traditionally’ been August. If you reside in Kenya, you will attest to the fact that the untold loss of life in September 2011 is an all time high:Road accidents, deaths attributed to illicit brews, natural calamities-drought, not to mention sicknesses and other social disorder deaths like thuggery and domestic disturbances.

But I digress...

It is very easy for the general public to label the Sinai fire victims {et-al} greedy, stiff-necked Kenyans who brought death upon themselves in the pursuit of a quick buck.Infact, the high and middle class society will continue judging these people harshly since they cannot put themselves in the proverbial shoes of such people who live in squalor and by the grace of God.

..Of striking Kenyan teachers and street demos...

Abraham Lincoln, the great American president once said,”Teach the children so that it will not be necessary to teach the adults.”

The recent happenings in the Public schools teachers strike in Kenya are sure to turn Abe Lincoln in his grave as he eats the words he once wisely pronounced.

Post humously, Abe would find it sad to say the least to see teachers who are supposed to be the role models of young minds running around the streets, wailing  and yelling with placards,blowing horns and jumping on top of moving cars in the name of demonstrating their rights.

From the classrooms to the streets...

 Don’t get me wrong, I do empathise with the plight of the public school teacher.Looking at the basic salary of the contracted teachers one would get the bigger picture.A  P1 teacher on contract earns Ksh 10,000 and a graduate earns Ksh 15,000 per month.Those on permanent terms earn more than double this amount.

Jaffer Isaac & the ambitions of youth politics in Kenya

I woke up today and switched on my TV set, tuned it to The Breakfast Show on Citizen TV. You see, of late I have become an ardent viewer of their incisive and very mind boggling Power Interview segment. 

I have to hand it to Jimmi Gathu and the ever straight shooting Mutegi Njau, thanks to the two of them Kenyans are starting to see the folly that is our Kenyan politicians. This on-screen “grilling” of our politicians is exposing them in their true element and what they stand for; very crucial for each prospective voter in the run up to the 2012 elections.

On the tube was Jaffer Isaac,a presidential aspirant.Yeah,I know, the name does not ring a bell? 

Let me bring you up to speed.

..Mututho Laws need more 'teeth'...

Recently, an irate and clearly fed up chang’aa brewer in Kinungi, Naivasha disposed of several gallons of illicit chang’aa and destroyed his tools of trade citing police harassment through extortion.

Moses Njihia,the brewer,was irked by the fact that on a daily basis, despite the meager earnings from selling the brew he has to put aside some cash for bribing on patrol police officers lest they shut down his business premises. This is despite the fact that his was a licensed business and he was within the health and sanitation standards of production of the brew.

Provincial Administration destroying illicit brew

Njihia who had been trading in the brew for over 20 years claimed he had used between Sh600,000 and Sh1 million to bribe officers drawn from the regular and AP department.

This got me thinking about the efficacy of the Mututho laws. Let me begin by mentioning that the impetus towards regulating alcohol affected by the Alcoholic Drinks Control Act 2010 is a move towards the right direction.

Kazi ni Kazi....Respect my Job!!

Recently,on a morning bus ride to work I witnessed a rare yet very necessary dress down.I call it rare because it came from the most unlikely of parties and it ended up being the highlight of my day.

Infront of me sat one of these i-can-order-you-around-and-there-is-nothing-you-can-do-about-it stuck up ‘sophisticated wanna be’mamaz.What made me notice her was the way she was holding her smart phone and talking big while ordering someone whom I assumed was  a subordinate member of staff at her workplace.She literally was barking orders at the hapless staff member on what she ought to do prior to her ‘grand entry’.Need I mention,the bus was quiet.The usual yappings that is our local radio stations breakfast shows was deficient in this bus.Your guess is as good as mine as to how many ears were on radar alert to what she was blubbering.

She hang up her phone and proceeded to look around the bus with eyes peering at anyone who seemingly took offense over her conversation on the phone.When she looked my way,I hit the deck and bow my head acting busy scrolling on my phonebook.

Keep the tight-butt-crack revealing pants at home..not church..!!

        On  Sunday's,after a long week,full of the hustles,stress and strifes of Nairobi life,i usually take time (when i can..) and go make peace with my maker.
Despite the prior nights activities,i try my best to wake up early enough to make it for the English service before the pews fill up.
I attend an Anglican church.Back in the days it used to be conservative in terms of worship and prayers.I recall the way it used to be dull with singing of hymns..{"oooh what a friend we have in Jesus.."..."Amazing Grace,Oooh how sweet thou art..".."Once in Royal David's City..."..yawn..!By the time the preacher got to the pulpit to preach,i would be strugling to keep my eyes open.If i were a cartoon character,id be putting some tooth picks on my eyelids to keep them open.But i digress...

This particular Sunday,i made it to church early and sat on the 4th pew from the front.I was amazed myself at how early i had made it.Infact i was so early to witness the clergy procession to the front.
The pew infront of me was still empty.The service began with the usual prayers and bible readings.

Urinary Incontinence: Cure Exists

Edith suffered silently. Everyday posed a greater challenge than the previous and she constantly suffered shame and stigma.

It all started after the delivery of her first child. The episiotomy (a surgically planned incision on the perineum and the posterior vaginal wall during the second stage of labour) that saved the life of her beloved son turned out to be the cause of all her troubles.

"I had suffered incontinence for 10 years. It started after the birth of my son in 1990. Telling people about my experience is embarrassing; I would be standing and discover my shoes full of urine," she said.

The business meetings she used to chair now became a nightmare, calling for a recess after every few minutes to go and answer a call of nature. Her annual vacation to Mombasa became a thing of the past due to the embarrassing situation she had to endure all the way to the Coast, especially if she was travelling by bus. Having to stop the driver every now and then was not her cup of tea.

Her relationship with her husband became strained as she frequently passed urine during intimate moments causing her tremendous emotional distress. The risk of public embarrassment kept her from enjoying many activities with family and friends. Her self esteem took a downward plunge with the knowledge that she had to make do with diapers. Moreover, the diapers were causing her skin irritation and sores.

Two women standing outside KNH Casualty

Fortunately for her, she found out that the problem that had almost destroyed her life was curable.  She was suffering from urinary incontinence.

Breathing Space, Please..!

Do you recall that PK{a breath mint} TV ad that had this dude and his wife- to- be at the altar about to say their wedding  vows? At that heightened moment of anticipation, the dude reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a fresh-mint chewing gum {or was it a kid who handed him the gum..Hmm.. ?if you are Kenyan im sure you know this ad} How about the Close Up tooth paste ads that had couples’ picture perfect moments turning out as such .You could even sense the love between the couples seeing that they were both so confident and at ease sitting facing each other in intimate posture.

Where am I going with this?

Well, this week, I ran into a long lost friend who literally took my breath away. I am sure you are thinking I was smitten by one of those drop-dead beauties from those Mexican Soaps you watch ever so religiously on telly every evening? On the contrary..You are so wrong!

The last time I saw this friend was some time in 2001.Do the Math.As fate would have it on it was on a sweltering afternoon in the streets of Nairobi and I was going about my usual day to day activities. From the corner of my eye I saw someone waving frantically. I did not give it much thought and I kept walking. Then I heard someone call my name. So I turned, and who do I see,…Monica*{not her real name for fear of victimization and a dented self esteem arising from the flow of this story…}.Ofcourse,I was taken aback, because the last time I saw her she was off to the U.S to study after we finished our Pre-Uni in 2001.

Mike Sonko,a reflection of the Kenyan Youth?

Speaking from a Youth's point of view,im appalled at the recent social misdemeanor displayed by the 'flambouyant' Makadara MP,Mike Mbuvi a.k.a Sonko.
Watching news on TV recently when a local TV station serialised Sonko's queer activities in the recent past,to say the least i was embarrassed of being a Kenyan Youth.
Sonko epitomises a lost generation of the Kenyan youth!Yes...there..i said it!

Rasta Man or your Member of Parliament?

It is no wonder the old folks have a reason to claim the youth are 'the leaders on tomorrow' and not today if the present day youth is displayed in the nature of Sonko and others of his ilk.
I can only imagine how my own father in Rural Kisumu shook his head on seeing Sonko adorning a Rasta Cap with dreadlocks and seeking attention as an 'authority voice' of the youth.Im sure if my dad had a facebook or twitter page he would have updated his status immediately and written.."Mike Sonko...NKT"..!!!

The Rita Muchiri's of Kenya eat your hearts out

I wonder what Ms.Rita Muchiri and others of her ilk are thinking when they realise that soon their desires to be millionaires might remain just that:a desire.

If you don't know who Rita is,you are either too ignorant of social media,not Kenyan or dont even listen to King'ang'i in the morning.Let me bring you up to speed(..yawn..!).

She is the lady who caused so much ruckus recently by claiming that any 'serious marriage contender' will have to cough up a whooping Ksh 1Million!Her logic is that,being a learned 'independent' woman pursuing  her  masters’ degree in law and economy,she will have spent over Ksh 1.2 Milliion by the end of her education.
This is the much Ms.Rita would have spent from Primary all the way to University.

Rita Muchiri:The 1Million Shilling Dowry Mamacita.

So,you see,to be her ideal " tall, brown, financially stable, well-educated, and responsible" suitor you ought to be ready to part with Ksh 1 Million  plus as a 'Thank you" to her parents.

The Simon Makonde Phenomenon

Back in the day,when I was in Primary school,I think it was in Class Two or Class Three there,I remember reciting about this character called Simon Makonde.I cant really recall how the story flowed but I remember ,Makonde,a full mundu khu mundu, was born on Monday and died on a Sunday.

That part I cant forget.In a stint between Tuesday to Saturday,he went to school,married and got sick…!I think in between cramming my multiple table of 12 and trying to figure out outdated mathematics of how much it would cost to send a telegram chargeable per word and letter,I lost the Makonde Plot…!Yeah,thats the folly of the 8-4-4 system...!But look how i turned out? {by the way,if anyone remembers the flow of the Makonde story,i will be much obliged…}

In the short span that was his life,Simon Makonde accomplished what most people take a lifetime to accomplish.But then again,maybe the author of the Makonde story had something else in mind when he put his life span to within a week.Perhaps,a week in Makonde’s life could have been 20Years,50 Years,…heck who knows ,maybe even 100years!But at age 8/9 Years when I was reading this,I couldn’t comprehend what I do now.In my infant thinking,a week was a week and I will stick to that analogy.

Cheating Women Syndrome

Last evening, i was in a social  forum where a heated debate ensued on what makes women cheat.
I'm sure you have heard it over and over that men cheat out of lust or to fulfill  their ‘physical needs’.I agree to   a  great percentage with this. For men, it’s never emotional. That’s why men are big on one night stands with no feelings attached.
For women however, its purely emotional. And when women cheat, they go 100% emotional. And it’s all out and nasty to say the least!

R.Kelly sang it...”When a woman is fed up….there is nothing you can do about it...”,I couldn’t have said it better my self.

Long story short, it came out that women cheat because::