Opulence in Kenyan Churches:Televangelists and False Prophets

Whoever said church is big business certainly must have had Kenya in mind; second to Nigeria.

Switch on your TV on a Sunday morning and tune in to any station and you will be bombarded by what is commonly reffered to as Church TV.Well,if you don’t know what that is then you either not watching TV as much as you should or you are an early riser who goes straight to church without flipping through channels on TV.

The good thing about church TV is that it comes in handy for spiritual nourishment for those who cannot make it to church either because they are sick/bedridden, those who are in areas situated far from physical church houses, those who are nursing hangovers not to mention guilt from the previous night's nocturnal activities and the lazy bones who need prodding to go to church etc.

I sometimes find myself in one if not all of such scenarios on a Sunday morning and I resort to seek spiritual refuge in church TV. This particular Sunday, TV remote in hand, I flipped through the channels and came to one conclusion... {some}Televangelists are such vultures!

Pastor Ng'ang'a who was recently busted drunk as a fish!

MPESA, Orange Mobile, YU Cash, Airtel Money mobile numbers flash on the TV screen like disco lights as the preacher guy does his thing. He/She will stop mid-sermon and remind you to plant/sow a seed of faith for you to receive your miracle. He will point out the numbers currently displayed on the screen {..even with live TV he/she will trust the video editors to include the ‘magic numbers’…} that will ensure a smooth highway for your prayer request to reach the intended recipient {God}.

Gor Mahia versus AFC Leopards Derbies: Fan trouble or a case of Hooligans and Criminals? PART 2

So it comes as no surprise when in 2012 we are still grappling with crowd trouble,disorderliness and hooliganism at he famed derbies pitting rivals Gor Makia a.k.a. K'Ogallo and AFC Leopards a.k.a. Ingwe.

Just like it was in the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s,the week before the match, fans of each of these teams engage in long debates about past matches and possible outcomes of upcoming games. These debates are rife on social media sites like Facebook and Twitter and they come full with pictures and cartoon representations of team mascots against each other. Either it’s a picture of a an AFC fan peeing on a Gor Mahia jersey or a pic of a headless chicken etc.Status updates and debates on team fan pages only serve to heighten pre-game tension.

Gor Mahia fans at a local derby

The local dailies also hype these games with full page features on ticket sales, player profiles, past games highlights,,table standings and the side shows during previous derbies.

Thanks to team branding, it becomes very easy to identify an opposing fans and taunt them as they snake their way into the stadium.All the built up tension always simmers at the stadium as games are being played.The slightest of provocation on the pitch or on the stands therefore result into name calling,stones and bottle pelting and general disorderliness.

End results, teams {Gor especially} are fined and banned from playing at certain stadiums or if they play it is in a field without fans.

Here’s my take#

There are fans, fanatics, hooligans and criminals in any sport you might think of.

Gor Mahia and AFC clubs are no exceptions.

Gor Mahia versus AFC Leopards Derbies: Fan trouble or a case of Hooligans and Criminals? PART 1

I recall in my early days growing up we used to collect plastic paper bags {jualas} and beat up cactus plants against rough edged walls to get sisal that we used to make polythene‘footballs’ with.

So beautiful were they that the level of 'sophistication' and 'class' went to the most intricately woven polythene ball either in squared or circular pattern.The ‘classier’ the ball, the more the players you got when it came to game time.

The polythene bag balls we used to play ball with..

Growing up in the 80’s, we only had two teams to identify with: Gor Mahia and AFC Leopards, and these are the teams that we divided ourselves into in any soccer game in the hood.

We didn’t stop there, we knew each and every player by name so you can imagine we had an exact replica Gor and AFC team of 7-8yr olds runnning around our neighbourhood pitch.

So we had the little, Sammy Onyango ‘Jogoo',Peter Dawo, Ben ‘Break-dance’ Oloo,George Onyango 'Fundi',Peter 'Bassanga' Otieno,George Sunguti,Goal Keepers - Omar Shaban,Abass Khamis Magongo just to mention but a few.

Kenya:Oil Discovery in Turkana – ‘manna’ from heaven?

Social media is a buzz with news of the new findings of oil in Turkana.Today Kenyans are making their voices heard worldwide as they update per second statuses on the internet sites.

On Twitter Kenyans are trending #TurkanaOil and the world has no choice but to recognize our presence considering that Kenyans were voted the second most active tweeters in Africa behind South Africa in a scientific research poll in early 2012.

On  Facebook,Kenyans cant help but make fun about the whole Turkana Oil find.

This excitement has been brought about by Pres.Mwai Kibaki’s announcement today, that Kenya has discovered oil in Ngamia-1 well in the North West District of Turkana, at a depth of between 846 and 1041 metres.

Kiraitu Murungi,Kenyan Minister for Energy shows a sample of the Turkana Crude Oil

Most of the Kenyans in this part of the country rarely feel included in the proverbial national cake in as far as resource allocation is concerned. Infact, the residents here say they are not part of Kenya, and when they do they say they are from the ‘other Kenya’

Nyeri Women:-Husband Beaters,or is it a woman Scorned?

Any man who grew up during my days was taught that long held unwritten rule that MEN DON'T CRY!In fact, our fathers used to increase the intensity of the beatings when we cried or lacked bravado in the face of that thick bamboo stick being used to administer painful canes on our backsides for what they deemed a 'failure to measure up' on our end as their ‘heir apparent’.

The slightest hint of discomfort or welled up tears in our eyes would be met by a harsh reprimand for us to ‘man up’! This meant, you clench your teeth as tight as you can, apply some brain freeze maneuver to whatever pain inflicting situation you were in and feign amnesia like it is not happening, then soldier on like the man you are!

The same values are instilled on young men as they ‘face-the-knife’ at circumcision. Later in life, when as full grown men they are overburdened by work{or lack of it} and home pressures in the face of adversities of a poorly performing economy, they have to hold their heads up like its -7 degrees when it’s infact sweltering hot under their armpits.Oh..The pressure of being a man!

You see, in any African society and Kenya in particular, tradition forbids men from crying or speaking about any abuse administered to them, especially by women.

Nancy Baraza:Kenyan Society's Sacrificial Lamb?

Do you remember some time in 2011 when most Kenyans (me included) were literally glued to live TV watching with intrigue as candidates for the position of Chief Justice and Deputy Chief Justice were being grilled?

Do you remember also how in glee you were when they were publicly ridiculed with questions concerning their sexuality? It made a good laugh,right?Im sure for some men it made a good enough ice breaker to chat up that sumptuous but elusive office intern, right?

Now >>fast forward>> to the events that have unfolded since 31st Dec 2011….

At this point let me introduce the cast of our Kenyan Soap Opera {Sound track*Smooth melodious Mexican lady singing in the background*}

Jaffer Isaac..The Kenyan President that never will be.. Phew!

On the tube this morning for yet another time was Jaffer Isaac-‘The Kenyan presidential aspirant that never will be’ on the Power Interview on Citizen TV.

Oh,you don’t know who that is:let me bring you up to speed with my last blog on this character: http://www.ogeezone.blogspot.com/2011/09/jaffer-isaac-ambitions-of-youth.html

If you missed the News as the curtains closed on 2011, Jaffer decided to call off his presidential bid for the 2012 national elections.Pheew!

I breathe a sigh of relief for all Kenyan youth who would have yet again buried their head in their hands in utter shame at misrepresentation because Jaffer Isaac epitomizes the mediocrity that is Kenyan ‘youth’politics.

Listening to him speak you realize that he lacks vision. Most of his ideologies are utopian if you ask me.

PayScale Kenya - Kenya Country Salary, Average Salaries

PayScale Kenya - Kenya Country Salary, Average Salaries

KCPE 2011: Genetic Dunderheads?

Last week I had a seemingly never ending debate with my colleagues at work on the dismal performance of school children in national exams in light of the 2011 KCPE results.

This debate was occasioned by demos by parents countrywide in a bid to oust head teachers whom they blamed for a below par show by their kids in the national exams.

Protesting parents have in the past weeks since the release of the exams been holding demos and storming poor performing school premises baying for the blood of the school heads.

What became apparent from the debate is that some kids are ‘genetically engineered’ to be dunderheads!

I bet you are thinking that is a shallow point of view, right? Well, before you crucify me in your minds and close the browser let me expound.

Kareke Mbiuki "Look..i'll give you 5K..Go ahead and give birth like rabbits.."..

There is a common Kenyan saying that goes...”Kuzaa sio kazi..Kazi ni kulea mwana... (Loosely translated..Giving birth is not work, the real work is raising the child...)

It therefore sounded to me like complete lunacy when recently on National TV during an opening ceremony for a new public maternity wing an MP declared that he is giving women in his constituency an incentive to get pregnant and give birth.

In a heavy Meru accent the legislator said..” mimi naendelea kupingia watoto ndebe muendelee kuzaana tujaze ndunia ili kura zitoshe…kama ulikuwa umeenda mbreak urundi ili tuungane na nyinyi tunjaze ndunia,”NKT!!!